⚫ Not Sarcastic Terms of Service
- You belong to us now. Body, soul, browser history, nudes—everything.
- We can change these terms whenever. You'll agree retroactively or we nuke your account and mail glitter bombs to your grandma.
- By scrolling, you waive all human rights until the heat death of the universe.
- Disputes resolved by trial by combat against our CEO's pet alligator.
- We reserve the right to tattoo our logo on your forehead if revenue dips.
- No refunds, no mercy, no lube.
- If you read this far, we already own your firstborn.
Welcome to hell. Click "I Agree" or we release the hounds. 🖤